I am taking ownership of my pain after finally being able to accept that I had a heavy and very traumatizing, non-existent childhood. I suffered great loss both physically and mentally. I lost my arm and family, but most important of all, I lost my self. I pushed my pain back - out of sight, out of mind was my thinking - and I grew up with a part of myself broken and not healed. The people around me couldn't handle my pain so I hid it so deep within me that I couldn't even access it when I wanted to. I could only access that part of me through triggers. My emotions and the ability to love were closed off because in the environment I grew up in loving someone was dangerous, and it meant they would leave you when you needed them the most. I realized in order for me to freely open up and let all my emotions go through me I needed to accept that I have pain - extreme pain in me.

The images from my paintings come from deep within myself. I start with a vision of the painting, which may be realistic or fantastical. Once I start a painting my hand takes over and I stop thinking. I let raw emotions come out, without thinking about technical application. My symbolized paintings are drawn on raw canvas, at large scale, and then I complete them with color and detail.

It is hard for me to feel my own emotions and my hand transcribes them into my paintings. I paint to feel things that I normally don't feel. I hope that the viewers can see what I feel and feel it themselves. I'm a simple person with simple pleasures. The world isn't all rainbows and cookies. There is darkness. And I include that darkness in my paintings. Painting has been my therapy.

Rare Specimen Design is a graphic design studio specializing in photobooks, founded by designer and photographer Kevin Sweeney, and located in Austin, Texas.

For the 2020 Austin Studio Tour, Rare Specimen will host virtual exhibitions and events to share the creative work of clients and friends.